Shit days & smiles....

One thing is certain; we all have shit days....we all hit a kind of rock bottom; maybe its work related, maybe its the size of our arse related, maybe someone dies or cheats on us or is just a bit of a dick head to us, maybe its our kids, maybe its cos we don't have kids....the reason doesn't matter but what does is how we pick ourselves up and manage to fight another day.

I've seen and experienced a whole lot of crap; death, suicide, an eating disorder, domestic violence, infidelity, divorce and a pregnancy that nearly finished me off, so when i talk about how too tool's in getting back to smiling i think i can speak from a pretty solid place of experience....and education....and the first thing I've learnt to say to myself is; 'You've survived 100% of all your shit days that have gone before, add another to your record'...sounds basic but it does make you stop and think....

...then, when you've thought enough, its time to get rational and give yourself some straight talk (or if it works better, some straight writing). why are you really feeling shit?

Work backwards and really get to the root of it, then investigate your root....for example; its Monday and you feel crappy and fat, you're useless at everything, no one really loves you cos you're fat and ugly.....sound familiar?.....Working backwards you may soon realise that you feel this way because you had an epic weekend drinking and eating with friends, you remember laughing so much it hurt, you remember that no fucks were given and it felt goooooood....now come back to today. Don't punish today for yesterdays down time; you loved every second of it so why take that away, todays feelings are only temporary and you can fix them (sleep, eat better, drink water etc). Now I'm not saying that this will help immediately with every situation but i am saying that a whole load of our probs are only temporary and that they exist because we chose to let ourselves go, to switch off a bit, which we're definitely not used to, and can be fixed with a little bit of chilling out and focusing on the good....and maybe reminding others what they did or didn't do...

Other shitty life moments require more time, more self care, a bit if nurturing, they need that realisation that its ok to feel low and its definitely ok to show it or talk about it....they need us to let out the anger and frustration and hurt safe in the knowledge that we are normal....that these are all signs that we care....and maybe a stern word with ourselves that whatever it is isn't our fault...

There are also those times when we just need to take five, to breath, to step away from the fan todays shit is hitting before everyone ends up covered....eg. when your kids won't sleep or won't give in or seem to have been possessed by some kind of being that would make the creators of American Horror Story proud...those days when you just don't feel good enough. There may be no real reason for such feelings but that doesn't stop them consuming you, from debilitating you, from filling you with an anxiety riddled nausea...like i mentioned; you've got to breath....5 really deep steady focused breaths usually make me feel 'back in the room'....and fresh air....and chocolate....

Its not easy just to switch on your smile but it is easy to feel alone when you don't have one, its all too easy to look around and see the highlights of everyone elses lives and question yourself, but I'm here to tell you to pick yourself up, that you can, that you are fucking strong enough and good enough and beautiful enough....blow your nose, wipe your eyes and put the kettle on (or pop the cork)....AND SMILE.....shit don't stick to smilers....

Kelly BondComment