Motherhood; it's an all AND nothing thing...

We recently celebrated Millie's first birthday.....FUCK!!! Where did that bloody twelve months go?!?....to be completely honest I'm just chuffed that everyone is still present and accounted for...

I actually feel like I've turned a corner, like I'm a bit more me again; the mist is lifting, I've accepted the fact that i will never feel totally 'on it' ever again but i'm confident enough in this mothering thing to no longer Google every move/noise her and her little body makes...and this got me thinking...motherhood; it's an all and nothing kinda thing (well, it is for me anyway).

Never before have i felt soooooo needed and essential, had someone so totally reliant on me yet at the same time felt so fucking useless in my everyday existence, actually at times i can safely say i felt like i actually no longer existed; who the hell was i?!?

I lost all sense of time, of what day it was, i could no longer eat, wash or sleep when suited me and i was no longer playing out, in any sense of the word, in the outside world, and it wasn't that i minded it or resented it i was just bloody confused by it.

Us women are pre-programmed and sometimes expected to be something these days, to have a title, a purpose, a mission if you like; all i had was a red book and a diary full of baby gang gatherings....and the occasional medicinal beer.

I love being a mum, id actually go so far as to say its made me, but this is a non-researched or scientifically based rambling aimed at mums to be, women sat on the edge of their sofas feeding a little person (in whatever way may suit them...bottle or breast, either way they are still going to turn into a teenager one day...) or any woman going through some kind of change in role or responsibility, or 'moment', actually fuck it, ANY WOMAN; chill out and pipe down...

Take your time, let things unfold, stop trying to rush ahead when you've no idea where you're heading; enjoy the process.

You may feel overwhelmed, like the pressure is too much, you might be wondering what you're actually supposed to do now, you might be feeling totally lost and like everything's just so bloody scary...remember that you've survived 100% of shit days and occurrences prior to this, that so many great things come out of taking the first step, making the first move and hanging on in there and, most importantly of all, you haven't got to rush to be anything or anyone, enjoy every second of your life and run your world your way....because you can....

So sit back and suck it up, get outside, be the one to run a little more freely with things, be the one without as much baggage or concern, be the femme fatale quietly doing her thing and loving every fucking second of it....cos one day this will all be your year ago and you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about....

 

Kelly Bond2 Comments